# How are you? <span style="font-size: 13px;"> <span style="color: black;">Planted:</span> <span style="color: gray;"> 20 October 2025</span> </span> I'm asked this question fairly frequently these days, as everyone knows what this year did to me by now, even people I met only recently. Usually, I brush it off with an "okay," not wanting to drag the mood down with my state of mind. I learned this year that this can ruin bonds I believed to be unbreakable. The truth is, I don't know anymore. I simply exist. I haven't felt at peace in months. I haven't genuinely smiled or laughed in months. Even when I do, it's usually forced to avoid causing insecurities or worries in the person I'm talking to. Yet the unfairness of this charade is why I seclude myself even further. If I spend time with friends, I usually phase out eventually and simply stare into my mind's abyss. I'm having [[Redreaming my Nightmare|nightmares most nights]], apart from a devastating lack of sleep. I'm not looking forward to my birthday, Christmas, or any other festivities. The only time I feel some sort of solace is when [[The Beauty of Wandering Heedlessly|wandering the woods alone]]. This year took everything from me. And the only good I take from it so far is that those around me are starting to believe me, that this is actually what the occurrences of this year meant to me. That I'm not overdramatizing. I don't see this changing either. #thoughts